I'm finding it hard to forgive and (especially) to forget what someone has done to me. I know the Bible tells us to forgive, but is it necessary to forget? What if I still have hard feelings toward that person??

Forgiveness and forgetfulness are not the same thing. You may never forget the effect of someone’s injury against you. Remembering may even serve as an alert against being injured again in the same way. Christian theologian Lewis Smedes wrote, “If you forget, you will not forgive at all.” In fact, one forgives most completely when one has first fully acknowledged the depth and extent of the offense. That can be a long, reflective process that may or may not include the offender’s admission of wrong.

Too many Christians try to hurry the process along. They move so quickly to forgetting that they may actually be in denial rather than practicing true forgiveness. However, remembering does not mean you should continue to let the offense have power over you. As Smedes notes, “We have the power to forgive what we still do remember.” That power is available through Jesus Christ. The much-quoted passage, Ephesians 4:32, says: “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” We can do that most profoundly when we reflect on how God forgives our sins constantly. That inspires humility. The freedom forgiveness brings to the spirit is palpable. While we may always remember the hurt, we pray toward the time when we can forgive with no weight or pressure, but with a letting go.